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Several Days of Self Care

Aka Things I'm Doing to Stop Myself Becoming a Sad Potato

Yesterday I was signed off work with stress and anxiety. It's been brewing for a while and, whilst I feel guilty about not being there with my colleagues, it's probably the right thing to have done. Back in December of 2018 I was referred to the hospital as they suspect I have Meniere's Disease - a rare chronic illness that brings on bouts of vertigo and can lead to profound hearing loss in the affected ear. I won't go in to details here as I plan on leaving it for another post, but having the fear associated with that is where a lot of my anxiety and worries have come from. Alongside this, my hair has been falling out and I was diagnosed with alopecia areata, and I'm also going to have my bloods taken as well as my doctor wants to rule out any possibility of a thyroid condition.

When I first had the Meniere's referral, and finding out it would take so long, I found myself despairing. Attacks happen completely at random and stress is a trigger, so I felt like a ticking time bomb. I was unsure of where to turn, so I contacted Samaritans as I wanted to speak to someone completely removed from my situation to begin with. After this I managed to open up to my husband, my friends, and my colleagues about it. I also opened up on social media, and the response has thankfully been incredibly supportive, and I count myself lucky to have so many good people around me during this time. Taking the first step can be hard, but if you're reading this and you feel like you've nowhere to turn, there's someone out there who can help - your GP, Samaritans, your friends, or family - you just need to take one little first step and you may be surprised by how much help you receive.




Several Days of Self Care aka Things I'm Doing to Stop Myself Becoming a Sad Potato is something I've started in order to help me recover - I  originally began this on Facebook but you end up with a jolted mess of various status updates and photo uploads that can better be consolidated in a blog. I've told myself that each day I have to upload a status or a photo of something that I've done to make myself feel good and get better to prevent myself from becoming a sad couch potato. Yesterday I (successfully for once) made bread and continued upcycling some old furniture. The bread recipe I got from Jack Monroe (find her here on Twitter), and I tweeted about how I found it amazing that you can oil your hands before kneading the dough so it doesn't stick. She retweeted my tweet, it got many likes and a few conversations, and though I know it will be lost in the depths of the internet, it was something unexpected that helped to boost my day. (If you're interested in the Tweet, you can see it here.)

Today's act of Self Care was aimed at my online and social media use. I stopped following the local newspaper on Facebook, mainly as half their headlines are clickbaity, some aren't even local, and they tend to make me feel agitated and angry. I also am refusing to look at comments sections on any topics that are contentious (climate change and Brexit I'm looking at you) as, although I know reasoned debates are important to have on the subjects, no Facebook comments section is going to contain these. I'm not going to engage.

Furthermore, I'm going to control my watching habits - thankfully I've seen all of Our Planet and Climate Change The Facts so I can hopefully end that feeling I get inside when I feel out of my depth and powerless to control the downward spiral that is happening to the world (alongside the environment this also includes politics). It's there nagging at my brain and I'm wholly aware of its existence and its importance, but if I engage with it less, then I'm hoping my mental health will improve. Instead I'm trying to focus on what I can do myself to introduce positive change in my own life - cutting down on plastic, buying things like reusable makeup remover pads and produce bags, baking my own bread (now that I can do it without ending up with something that could be used as an offensive weapon), using the local greengrocers - small things that I am able to achieve.

Finally, I'm starting this blog. With anxiety I find my thoughts often spiral in my head and continue to make themselves worse and worse until I crack which usually ends up with me crying in desperation at the inability to fix my situation. Having a space where I can write things down and share my thoughts is beneficial to me, and if it helps someone else too, then that's a wonderful bonus.




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